I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
