Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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