Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
