birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
