I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
