fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
