dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
