there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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