So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
