I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize