apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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