the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
