it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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