I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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