even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize