Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
