we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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