Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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