Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
