So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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