worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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