apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize