i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
