Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
