So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
