if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
