party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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