he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
