If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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