You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
