He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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