How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
