hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pants are for mortals
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
