When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
