DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
