If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize