oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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