wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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