i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
