I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
