I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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