Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
