Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
