she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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