Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
