He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
