If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
