I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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