Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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