i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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