I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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