shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
