He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
