I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
