just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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