I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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