yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
