why didn't you poke me back
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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