Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
