So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
