D3 body, D1 cock
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
