In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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