I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
