and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
