told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
