i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
