Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
