That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
