these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
