The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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