Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
where are my pants?
in the oven.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
